Adult children of dating widows

I ran across this a lot at Ye Olde Widow board. A whole lot of assumption but basically stemming from the odd notion that what your late spouse might have left you in the form of life insurance, marital home or other valuables is somehow still his or hers.

Not even in spirit. What happens, or is accumulated on earth, stays on earth. Furthermore, it becomes the property of someone else, who is now free to do whatever the hell they want with it. And trust me, they will. I have seldom witnessed someone inherit from a parent or grandparent and not piss the money away like trailer trash with a PowerBall jackpot. As my late husband lay in the intensive care before being moved to hospice, his mother sent her best friend to query me about life insurance.

And because I was completely stunned that anyone would ask such a question at such a time, I told her. You would be amazed ó or maybe not ó by the people who truly believe that inheritance is a given and have their hands out sometimes way in advance of your death.

A sizable proportion of adult children are like this. They see their parents and grandparents as some sort of long-range saving plan. A way to pay off the mortgage, plump up retirement plans or just have a wad of cash to fritter away on vacations and material crap.

Second marriages make these kinds of people ó nervous. Their mommy or daddy would have wanted you to put your new spouse at the mercy of your greedy kids because after all, she or he worked themselves to death for the money that was left to you. They took out that life insurance or built up the retirement plan to take care of you.

Not your grown up kids, who you should have been taught well enough to be able to pay their own bills, save for their own retirement and goodies. Yes, we have an obligation to use it for the benefit of our minor children and to see that our very young adult children find a good footing in life, but at some point our kids get old.

Sometimes as old as we were when we were widowed in the first place. They are adults who mostly ignore our advice in favor of what works best for them, and they build their own adult lives with their own spouses and their own kids. But there are emergencies, you cry. Inheritance is a form of expectation based upon nothing more than the notion that because you sired or birthed them, they are entitled to some sort of monetary reward triggered by your death.

Or from giving them the impression that it is their due. Plenty of perfectly wonderful parents spend every last dime before they die. And sometimes they need that money because they get sick or have other pressing expenses. I am not exaggerating.

The best way to avoid tantrums from adult kids if you should decide to remarry is to not have even given your children cause to believe they have the right to question you on the subject of remarriage and to never have intimated that they are somehow entitled to an inheritance.

You can tell them now. You should also make sure that you and your future spouse have thoroughly discussed all matters money. If there are assets or minor children that need special considerations, discuss and plan for that too.

Communication, as I have said before, is key. However, if you remarry, your primary concern should be your spouse. Leaving him or her to simply fend for themselves in their advancing years is so cold and harsh that it amazes me that people who would do this even find someone to marry again at all. Children do have the right to heirlooms. Talk, talk and talk some more about this before remarrying. Better yet, avoid raising your kids to feel entitled to enrich themselves via your death.


Hi, I am sure there are some wise people on here who can help me. I have been dating the most lovely and wonderful man for the past 3 months. He's. Dating a Widower Realistically, it takes special effort by both parties to develop a bond after a spouse has died. So donít give up immediately.

Total 3 comments.
#1 27.09.2018 –≤ 18:37 Sam-Ft:
In principle, the webmaster did not publish badly!

#2 06.10.2018 –≤ 02:38 Ernej:
Wow, wrote atypically posted!

#3 13.10.2018 –≤ 23:20 Marek:
In a blog I've already seen a similar topic, but anyway thanks